different realities: what women and men fear

One of the articles in the readings mentioned that a survey had been done asking men and women what they were most afraid of. Women responded that they were most afraid of being raped or killed, while men said they were most afraid of being laughed at. I wanted to know more about the said survey and I found the following article from a PBS feature on Violence against women.

http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/articles/nightmare.html

The article discusses how the survey found that women are afraid of things that men would never have to think of. We have to constantly think twice about where we can walk, how late we can stay out, whether we can go alone to a certain place. As the article points out, a man’s “worst nightmare” is perhaps a woman thinking less of him or disrespecting him. That’s very different from fearing for one’s life or safety. Since men can’t generally understand what it feels like, it truly requires understanding.

One quote from the article really struck me:

“Society won't take women's fears seriously until men understand our vulnerability.”

I wonder what would compel men to understand our vulnerability if they never have to worry themselves about it? Maybe it will come from realizing that by seeking to understand our vulnerability there comes a breaking down of man’s fear of being powerless. The article about masculinity as homophobia, mentioned how “manhood” refers to power not only over women, but over other men.

The reality is that both men and women are dependent on each other and this power struggle keeps us from working together and actually enjoying one another, because we end up competing. I really don’t want to compete against men, but that’s what I’ve felt like I have to do my whole life. I need to prove myself just as strong or just as competent as men, but they never had to prove themselves to be just as good at (insert "womanly" quality here as) as a woman . It always seemed like they could just be who they were and I had to fit into their standard. I’ve had so many thoughts like, “guys don’t know how lucky they are because everything is so easy for them. They don't need to be protected or worry about little things, like going alone somewhere or having to protect themselves if and when the situation arises.”

In actuality, men are also trying to fit into a high standard of manhood and are competing against each other. In the end both sexes pay a price for this ridiculous standard, but for women the price is more costly.We still have fears that are on a whole other level from the fears of men, but they don't have to be.